Twelve Years 

I Still – Shotgun Rider 

When I wake up it will be twelve years. For twelve years I have woken up on this day feeling heavy and sad. For twelve years a group of people have made an effort to find each other regardless of our schedules, or how much time has crushed friendships. On this day we find each other. 

Most of us have families now. Jobs that demand attention. We have obligations and duties to perform. We’ve had twelve years of joys and pains. Hell most of us are thirty or close. We’re grown ups now, but you’re not. You’re still seventeen. 

Some of them don’t remember you on this day. But I do. I remember you saying you would call me later, but another friend did. I remember you’re smile the most. I remember how you smiled at me as we left the building. But worst of all, the part that hurts the most? Is that for just a second I saw your sadness. I saw it and I said nothing. I figured it was just another day in Spanish getting too you. 

It’s been twelve years since I was eighteen buying boxes of cigars for minors as we stood around a massive bonfire that Lord only knows how we didn’t burn the panhandle down knowing how much lighter fluid and tears were in that thing. We had DMB and Pat Green blaring most of the night. 

Sometimes I wonder who you would’ve turned out to be. I bet all of us do. 

I’ve let this go a thousand times. But April 24th comes around every year so on this day, twelve years later, even though I am so incredibly blessed and happy with life, I would go back just to save you. 

Blessings, Brittney 

Sucide is real and awful, it’s a final choice. Please I beg you if you are at a point in your life that you see this as an option, I beg you get to a hospital, call a friend, stranger or go to a neighbor. Just tell someone! There are so many hotlines and facilities that can and will help you! Please get the help you need to live the beautiful life God intended for you. 


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