Lighting a Fire

Last week was rough. My daughter had some issues with her health. It’s a stressful time because I can’t fix it for her. I get so focused on what’s going on with her that I let other things go to the side. Which I shouldn’t, I know. I just feel that I am supposed to fix it, knowing full well that I can’t. Maybe that’s just part of parenting.

During all of the crazy I didn’t write much. To be honest I probably didn’t accomplish much of anything. In fact, if I’m being more honest, I feel like something is happening to my fire. The fire that drives me to keep doing this, to have a business, to try and better myself for my girls, family, friends… myself. I don’t know how the full-time working, gym-going, “all-in, all the time” moms do it. I have so much respect for them. I’ve got 11 posts in draft mode because I start them, then start to think how they will be perceived. Questions like, “Will this push a friend away?”, “What is a client or potential one going to think when they read this?”, “Did I really just say that?” or “Do I really need to be that open and raw with the internet?” but the common theme is, “How will I be judged?”. (Especially regarding issues with my past and very personal life). If those are the convictions laid on my heart, are those truly the topics somebody needs to hear?

I get emails from people correcting my grammar and spelling. Which as a writer, when working with a company you expect. I expect to be held to a standard of somebody that at least has some idea of what she’s talking about. I accept that. Maybe these individuals have good intentions. I find it unlikely, but because I have the heart that I do, I somehow always find the good in it.

By no means should you ever believe that my opinion on something is something you should fully base yours on. Absolutely not. There’s a book for that, it’s called the Bible. There are so many influences on who I am and what I believe to be true but that greatest of these is what Christ says about it. I want to share about my daughters and our lives. I want to be a confident writer.  They love that I get to write all day. I think it encourages them to do well in school because they see how it could benefit them later on. I also want to dig deeper, voice my opinions about my beliefs on love and relationships, religion and Christ, guns, raising kids, ranch life, and so much more. I want to be able to tell my readers about my experiences. How I got here. But that gets into the things I hold dear and keep as treasures. It also gets into so many things I want to forget, experiences that I would rather you not know about.

So maybe it’s fear that holds me back? The fear of being judged or my words being manipulated again. Maybe I should pull my boots up (outside the jeans because that’s how they should be worn. Otherwise there’s no reason for the tops to be so pretty.) and just start talking. Maybe the wind isn’t trying to blow my fire out, maybe the wind is blowing because the fire needs to be spread. Now that’s something to think about.

I am always looking for new projects that Cowdog Creations can help with through writing articles for website content, blogging, and development of their Social Media Networks. If you have questions or would like more information, please contact me by email,cowdogcreations@outlook.com.

Blessings From Texas,

Brittney

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