If I didn’t have kids I would be asleep right now. I wouldn’t have to use a flashlight to walk through my living room at night for fear my unprotected feet will find the missing Barbie shoe. I probably still would’ve only held one baby. Until I had kids I was a person that was never going to have any kids except dog babies. If I didn’t have kids, I would’ve moved to Okinawa, Japan, for four years to chill on the beach while my now ex-husband did whatever his job required that day until we got stationed in the next place. If I didn’t have kids, I’d have an office waiting for me somewhere and at least four… ok five dogs curled up at my feet. I might not know the song to every Disney movie song released in the last seven years and I definitely wouldn’t sit around in my spare time watching reruns on Sprouts because those weird little creatures are kinda cute. I wouldn’t think twice about NOT stopping in the girls clothing section to see if there’s anything a minion “needs”. I would still be totally in love with myself and what I thought was best. I might not know anything about PTA or American Heritage Girls and you never would’ve caught me teaching Sunday School on any random Sunday morning. No. I would probably be lost in my own naive little world still. Full of late nights with friends I thought would be around forever making memories that none of us 100% remember (at least I don’t which both embarrasses me and makes me sad), but they aren’t. If I didn’t have kids, the thought of a massage and a pedicure might actually be a reality instead of knowing that Christmas is less than five months away so I’ve got to save for that. My student loans would be a thing of the past. I might not have a creepy “Elf on the Shelf” in my closet. There would not be tiny people clothes on my couch and art masterpieces decorating just about every surface in the house. My clothes might not have stains on them or maybe they would, I’m not very graceful. I wouldn’t stay up at night praying for my children’s walk with Christ and how this world is so drastically changing. I wouldn’t panic over the things that my mind tells me are very real threats to their safety and mine. I would be more crafty. I listen to friends the same age as me talk about their hiking trips, weekend quick trips or recipes they tried, while I quietly enjoy a doughnut nobody under 4 foot tall is trying to steal from me. However, I do have kids.
I know how to make sure lunches are packed just right, who won’t eat what and their reasoning behind it. I’ve been known to bust a move in the store because a little girl needs to laugh. I haven’t read the latest novels because I’m reading bedtime stories. I know how to rock babies with tummy aches to sleep. My bed is the gathering place for all of their stuff, clothes, toys, shoes, etc. It’s also the place they show up in the middle of the night because they need to snuggle but stuffed animals just won’t cut it. I smooth out arguments hourly. World Peace has nothing on my skills. I wouldn’t have the relationship I do with all my grandparents that I do now. My parents and I would still be strangers. I can make it through the day on two cups of coffee and a granola bar if I have too. I’m card carrying member of the PTA, American Heritage and maybe the local 4H chapter too. I’ve taught children’s Sunday School. I keep wet wipes and Kleenex in my purse. I carry a purse. I stop in the kids section and the toy section. I really try to stay away from craft or trade shows and farmers markets (I know, I know… but nobody is perfect!), because it’s not about me. I don’t have an office because I gave that life and those dreams up because my family needs me to be a present mom. I don’t go out for drinks, because that leads to a lifestyle I don’t want anymore. I’m down for good food and good conversation any time though. I need to be the mom that is here for my girls, being a single parent is a job in itself. Even with an amazing support, I get lonely. But it’s not about me. I work most of the night because this is what I love to do and it’s starting to pay off, little by little, I see things and get to enjoy things I would completely miss otherwise. I wouldn’t work for the family cattle business if I didn’t have kids! In fact, Cowdog Creations wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have these beautiful ladies. Maybe when they are older God will have grown CC so much that I can have an office again! Even if He doesn’t, I am beyond blessed by the skills, experiences and loves in my life. For as scared, worried, stressed, enlightened, joyful, a billion other emotions as I’ve been over the years, I don’t want to know what live would be like if I didn’t have kids.
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Blessings from Texas,